I guess I’m writing about grief for this week’s Insights article. As I sat before my computer and turned off my devices and prayed about a topic, a fresh wave of grief washed over me, or rather, felt like it flooded into me and then out of me through holy saltwater (aka tears). I have been helping clear out my in-laws’ home over the past many months. My husband lost his mother last fall and his father this past summer, one more unexpectedly than the other, but both too soon. We are preparing for an estate sale, and selling the house, and, and,…the list goes on and on…those of you who have walked through this stage of life know this reality well.

This past weekend, as I sorted and labeled and broke down even more boxes, I pictured in my mind’s eye for the first time, what their house may look like empty. Whew. Looking around, I can see Christine and Gary in all the rooms, and memories of times together flooding into my memory. And, I am really looking forward to not having a weekly commute to the Twin Cities and being done with all the sorting. As Christians, we are both/and people, not either/or. We can hold deep sorrow with deep joy - it does not need to be one or the other. I can feel relief at this project coming to an end and the grief at this big milestone, along with facing an upcoming holiday season without Christine or Gary here to celebrate with us.

In this moment, I find myself turning to resources like the Grief Lectionary - A Resource for Grieving Christians by Rev. Collette Broady Grund (collettebroadygrund.com/964-2/). The first session of the first Grief Lectionary is paired with Noah and the flood, an apt pairing. Collette invites participants to let their grief flood them, bit by bit, dipping your toe in, and then letting it fill you up, bottom to top, trusting that God will not abandon you in this flood. She reminds us of the rainbow God sends Noah and family after the flood - a promise of being with them and never destroying in this way again; and asks us to remember the waters of baptism: the drowning of all that came before; a drowning that promises new life and resurrection.

This exercise “is based on the psychological idea of flooding, which is the experience of being overwhelmed by your emotions to such a degree that your body reacts…Flooding is not only the experience, but also a therapeutic technique meant to allow the safe processing of trauma and desensitization to triggering stimuli.” I admit to being one who is very good at compartmentalizing my emotions, so exercises like this that break down those barriers and help me “feel my feelings” in my body are necessary. Collette includes a brief grounding exercise at the beginning of each session because so many of us are taught, explicitly or implicitly, to put our grief away in a separate space and keep it far from our hearts. But maybe that isn’t you. Maybe you feel all the things all the time. That can also be overwhelming, and know you are not alone there either.

I leave you with a song that has been a good companion to me since I learned it at a Music that Makes Community gathering in early October; Loosen by Aly Halpert. I learned the song at a slower pace than you’ll hear in her official YouTube video. I have found that when I begin to sing part one of the song, I start slower (about .75 speed on YouTube), and as the lyrics help me do what they say, to loosen and let go, I can start to sing at the regular pace of her video. The words: Loosen, loosen, baby / You don’t have to carry / the weight of the world in your muscles and bones. / Let go, let go, let go. / Holy breath, and holy name / Will you ease, will you ease this pain? / Holy breath, and holy name / Will you ease, will you ease this pain? (Yes, God answers, the answer is yes.)